DD-17: notes on turning 26

22|01|2024

Jan 22, 2024

Hi, I’m so happy you’re here! I’m excited to share a new and improved Dear Diary with you this week and hope you enjoy reading it.

Instagram | Pinterest | Goodreads

✨ THIS EDITION’S VIBES

💭 ON MY MIND

Birthdays are stressful

On Friday, I celebrated my 26th birthday with a chocolate mousse cupcake and iced coffee for breakfast. By 10:00, I was so hyped up on sugar and caffeine that I felt like an 8-year-old who had just left a party. When I inevitably crashed, the first thing that I thought was, “Wow, my body doesn’t digest sugar like it used to. I really am getting older.”

It was a silly thought and one that was almost 90% untrue, put out into the world to disguise a feeling that really had nothing to do with my body’s digestive abilities. It was just the best way for my anxiety to present itself. Because here’s the thing, I don't like my birthday. Birthdays are already stressful. Birthdays in January are even worse. Mine, in particular, is a week before payday, too. So people are too broke to do something, and they may have New Year’s resolutions to quit sugar that they still intend on keeping. You get the gist here, right? It doesn’t make sense to expect people to come to a birthday party, fork out money for dinner, or even have a slice of cake. They won’t enjoy it, so why bother? At least, that’s what my anxiety was telling me.

The entire week leading up to Friday saw me in a very high-strung state because of these thoughts. On the one hand, I wanted to be celebrated and spoiled. But on the other, I felt so guilty for wanting these things and it seemed like a huge ask. It also felt really weird to be turning 26 because I had this idea in my head that I hadn’t accomplished anything. Granted, everyone measures success differently, but it’s difficult when you’re having a bad day, and you can’t help but compare yourself to the millionaire influencer who’s the same age as you. If only I were better in front of the camera, you might think to yourself. I know I followed that tangent more than a couple of times.

Anxiety about aging is an interesting feeling. It’s not always about dying, either. Some people may experience it before their birthdays, others might feel a bit worried when celebrating friends’ milestones that they are yet to reach. And it’s actually a very normal part of life.

What’s important to realize about this type of anxiety is that aging can’t be avoided. No matter how many supplements you take, skincare products you use, or wellness rituals you participate in, aging is one of the most inevitable parts of life. So is it really worth it to lose sleep over? I had to convince myself that it wasn’t, which was hard but necessary. I also had to click that it’s never too late to start something (still working on it), especially if you want it badly enough.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to start campaigning for influencer status. But there are other goals and ideas that I chucked out at the beginning of the year simply because I thought it was too late to start them at this point in my life. In the bigger scheme of things, 26 is still young, and there are so many things that I haven’t done or experienced yet. And throwing my hands in the air and saying “Well, that’s me done for the day,” just because some person experienced these things at 20, is honestly a bit dumb. Not only does it limit my dreams, but it just makes every year (and every birthday) much more stressful than it needs to be. It also makes even the smallest things—like starting a daily journal or going for more walks—seem really daunting just because I didn’t start them on the first of January, when it really isn’t ever too late.

This idea that people wouldn’t want to celebrate me also stems from this, I think. It’s rooted in a feeling of not being good enough or worthy of celebration, and asking for this seemed like wanting to move a mountain. Naturally, this wasn’t the case at all. On Friday, my fiancé and I had the loveliest day together in Cape Town, and on Saturday, I got to celebrate with a group of friends—wine and cake included. It didn’t feel so difficult to be celebrated then because it’s in these instances that the realization that people do love you and want to be part of your milestones hits the hardest.

So here’s to 26. A year that will hopefully be filled with more courage, celebrations, and reaching for the stars.

⭐️ ON MY RADAR

Reading: The Wicked King by Holly Black. After flying through the first book in the trilogy (The Cruel Prince), it was safe to say that I had to come back for more. The Cruel Prince is a YA fantasy novel that follows two semi-orphaned sisters, Jude and Taryn, who live in the magical realm of Elfhame. I won’t spoil how exactly they got there, but the book goes on to detail Jude’s struggle to fit in amongst the Fae as a normal human being. She faces off with Prince Cardan, her sworn enemy, throughout the book, and eventually, they have to work together to save the realm. The book is fun, witty, and full of moments that had me (literally) screaming. The Wicked King is the second installment and follows Jude as she navigates her new role as advisor to the king after betraying her family and losing pretty much everyone she’s ever loved.

For book reviews and current reads, head to my Goodreads tagged here.

Shorter reads: The Crane Wife by CJ Hauser. This is an essay that I’ve read about three or four times at different stages of life. Every time I read it, I’m reminded of how incredible it is and want to tell everyone I know about it. The general theme of the essay revolves around relationships and how women sacrifice parts of themselves to fit into their partner’s life. Hauser draws inspiration from a Japanese folktale and uses its analogy to examine her own life and choices, ultimately helping her gain perspective and confidence. It’s an absolute must-read, if not for the underlying message, then for the beautiful writing style and funny commentary.

Weekly faves: This week’s pick is the MonoTint by Swiitchbeauty, a universal lip, eye, and cheek tint (I told you that 2024 was the year for blush). The stick is this creamy, bright pink product that looks a bit intimidating at first. But the product actually contains pigments that react to the acidity of your skin, resulting in a unique pink color perfectly suited to your complexion. Not only is it an amazing multi-purpose product that actually works, but MonoTint is also affordable and super easy to use. Simply swipe across your lips, eyes, or cheeks (my personal fave), and blend!

🥐 ON MY PLATE

I’ve been loving being back in my own kitchen this past week, cooking away. I revisited a recipe I shared on here a while ago—loaded chicken flatbreads—and it was just as good as I remember. Check it out, below!

Loaded Flatbread

For the flatbread (makes 6):

You’ll need:

2 cups plain all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
50 grams (or 3 and 1/2 tablespoons) of unsalted butter, melted
3/4 cup milk

Combine the wet and dry ingredients separately before incorporating them together in a mixing bowl. Mix until the dough has a sticky consistency.

Knead for 2 minutes and let the dough rest for 30 minutes or overnight—this makes it a bit easier to work with.

Dust a bench top with flour and cut the dough into six pieces before rolling them out to your desired thickness.

Cook the flatbread dry (no oil or butter in the pan) until each side has golden spots. Then, serve and enjoy!

For the filling:

You’ll need

Protein of choice (I used chicken, but the recipe is so versatile that you can really use anything)

Veggies (peppers, diced tomatoes, cucumber, mushrooms, or spinach usually work well)
Cheese (optional)
Spices like salt and pepper, paprika, chili flakes, and mustard powder (depending on the protein you use)

Combine all of these ingredients, spoon onto the flatbread, and voila! An easy and delicious lunch or dinner recipe packed with nutrients.

If you have any leftovers, you can also use the plain flatbreads as a side for curries!

I had these twice, once with chicken, spinach, and feta and once with chicken mayo, peppers, and feta! Let me know if you try them too.